


now I just sit in silence (car radio)

by Laeana



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: 2020 Season, Boys In Love, Falling In Love, Feelings Realization, Ferrari's mess, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Kissing, Living a life, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Promises, Slow Burn, Song Lyrics, Sweet, Time Passing By, True Love, Waiting, just Lewis and Sebastian loving each other, uncertainties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-03
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:48:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26796130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laeana/pseuds/Laeana
Summary: They made a promise once.So Sebastian just waits.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel
Comments: 9
Kudos: 40





	now I just sit in silence (car radio)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Just_Juliette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Just_Juliette/gifts).



> just for ya girl because you made me discover (rediscover) a song and I can't help but being obsessed with it.   
> So I just wrote a Sewis about it and I hope you'll like it ! 💕
> 
> I couldn't help but have major vibes of other songs, especially at the end of the writing, notably The Ballad of Cleopatra ... but most likely Sleep on the Floor.  
> Still have this idea of making a story about it, so I keep Car Radio as my main inspiration, even though you can listen to Sleep on the floor by the Lumineers if you want to accompagny your reading ...

* * *

**I ponder of something great**

**My lungs will fill and then deflate**

**They fill with fire, exhale desire**

**I know it's dire my time today**

* * *

Sebastian isn’t fine but it is something that he has to adapt himself to. Because there are all those things he doesn’t want to think about, all those things he kept apart, he kept aside. And in the end, he has such a career that everyone thinks that it may end at any time, that his era is passed.

But he is so much more than this facade. This facade he keeps maintaining and a promise he made a long time ago.

“ _ When we retire, let’s get married. _ ”

He smiled softly when he heard this. And he simply nodded. Because this was how it was supposed to happen. They love each other so tenderly and sometimes he hears things that are being said.

There is no Lewis without Sebastian.

This sentence less and less said. Because now, now Lewis can fight the youngest ones, while he can’t. Or maybe he will. Maybe next year. Maybe, maybe.

Maybe he lost it. Maybe he can’t drive anymore. Maybe he should give up.

He just doesn’t know what to say about it. And the more the time passes, the more he feels desperate. He gave so much to Ferrari he just doesn’t want to think about it any longer. More than necessary. 

Is their deal still actual ?

Sometimes a smile from Lewis confuses him. Just one. He always falls deeper in love with him and wonders if it’s the same for him or not.

Is he just an idiot to hold onto those dreams they once had ?

* * *

**Sometimes quiet is violent**

**I find it hard to hide it**

**My pride is no longer inside**

**It's on my sleeve**

**My skin will scream reminding me of**

**Who I killed inside my dream**

* * *

“Shuuush, Seb ! We’ll get caught if you don’t shut up for a bit !” whispers Lewis in his ear.

Sebastian can’t help but laughs and Lewis nudges him in the ribs. 

“I’m not the one who chose to come here after all”, he answers softly. 

Glare from the oldest one. He smiles once again, feeling so warm inside right now. The hand of the briton in his is really warm. He grips it a little harder.

Below them, a lot of people are chatting and laughing and drinking. This is the end of the year’s party, sooner, Lewis and him both have been rewarded and now they are skipping the whole gala. 

He likes that.

They are in their twenties after all. They are still young, it’s time for them to have a bit of fun. So when his friend leans in to ask him to follow him, he doesn’t even hesitate, he doesn’t think twice.

He had to get rid of this expensive coat he was wearing but he doesn’t really care. The second floor wasn’t hard to reach. He is grateful that he didn’t drink at all. 

“It’s here, come with me.”

Lewis opens a window that wasn’t really closed and slips outside. He grimaces before following him. The rooftop is a bit slippery but they manage to somehow stabilize. It’s cold, nothing he can’t handle. The briton slides his jacket on both of them, shoulders touching.

“The sky is beautiful isn’t it?”

Sebastian wants to say he agrees, but he can’t help but look at Lewis instead. Since not that long he realized that he loves him. So simple but yet so true.

“Yes …”

“Where do you see us, years later ?” 

This question leaves him speechless. He doesn’t want to think much about the future. They still have time ahead of them and it’s enough. More than enough.

“Do we need to care ?”

“Probably not.” but Lewis sounds a bit surprised “You’re right. But I’d love to see if we stayed as we are.”

“Our relationship ?”

“M-Maybe.”

He’s too easily aware of this hesitation.

“You don’t want to ?”

“I … I’m not sure it’s what I want.”

He steps back a bit. Glancing at Lewis’ face, who’s biting his lips under his persistent gaze. He smiles once again. It seems only Lewis can make him smile that much.

“And what do you want, Lew’ ?”

“I …”

Looking at each other; in a certain silence. It’s like a tacit agreement. Leaning in and then crushing his lips on his. Their kiss is deep. He doesn’t know how long they have been waiting for this but it’s finally happening. Gosh, it’s finally happening.

Happy days, oh happy days.

“I’m scared about that but it doesn’t change much. I think I love you, Seb.”

They are still one breath away from each other’s lips.

“I think I love you too.”

* * *

**I hate this car that I'm driving**

**There's no hiding for me**

**I'm forced to deal with what I feel**

**There is no distraction to mask what is real**

**I could pull the steering wheel**

* * *

Sebastian thinks about it a lot right now. He made his life as it is. He has a wife and kids. Is he really to give up on everything he has now just for a simple promise ? 

He is scared of saying yes.

And sometimes, sometimes he just remembers how easily it would be for him to disappear. Maybe dying, maybe not. Just vanishing. One day, throwing everything away and just leaving this life behind him.

He never has been the kind of person to make a big fuss about anything he’s done. Because he prefers having his own privacy and it’s a point on which Lewis and him are so similar and so different.

Because Lewis has a hundred causes to defend and to stand for, and Lewis is way more shiny and just … has this little spark that makes it hard to take your eyes off him.

Or maybe that’s just his love that is talking for him.

He gets out of his car, glaring at it. He searched for some more answers, anything that could have helped him to somehow drive faster but he’s running out of solution. Just a sigh. At least, Lewis is still on the top of the podium, on the top of the world.

This World’s Champion title is for him, once again.

It’s just-

Stolen kisses and glances. He wonders if this will ever be enough. What will become of them ? Are they wasting time, are they wasting their time ? Probably. 

They just need one more step and a bit more courage. But it seems like there are so many things holding them back that they can’t just free themselves like that. 

Will it ever be enough ?

A promise … a promise of everything. A promise of nothing. Words and words and words. This is never enough. 

Ten years that flew in a blink of an eye and he’s still waiting. Isn’t that pathetic ? He feels sorry for the rest of the world but it’s like he has no regrets about it anyway.

He could vanish away one day.

* * *

**I ponder of something terrifying**

**'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind**

**I find over the course of our human existence**

**One thing consists of consistence**

**And it's that we're all battling fear**

**Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here**

**Oh my, too deep, please stop thinking**

**I liked it better when my car had sound**

* * *

In Charles’ eyes, Sebastian often sees the same hunger he had. He still has it though but it seems way more different. He already proved his value more than once and maybe that is what will lose him.

And within Charles, he recognizes many similar destinies. Will he be the next red world champion, or just a failure, a man with so much worth, that had so much to offer but that never could ?

Just a list of people Ferrari threw away.

Up to see which names will be added to it.

He is their very last victim but he doesn’t want that to be his end. He doesn’t want to. And this large period of uncertainty ends by him signing a contract with Aston Martin.

He wonders if that’s it. Some say he’s making the correct choice, others that he should have stopped there.

He closes his eyes and his heart.

He never cared about them, he can’t start caring about them. That’s not the thing to do. Pressure and pressure all around. And if he thinks about it, if he allows himself the right to think about it, then he knows it’s a spiral with no ends that leads always deeper and deeper, with no turn back, that can destroy more than a man, but a man itself, inside, with what he left behind and his legacy. It can consume someone.

A whole new generation is flourishing around them and it seems like that day after day it is taking more and more place.

And this time, he still asks himself if-

If ever any place will be left for them, for him.

* * *

**There are things we can do**

**But from the things that work there are only two**

**And from the two that we choose to do**

**Peace will win and fear will lose**

**It is faith and there's sleep**

**We need to pick one please because**

* * *

In front of everyone, Lewis and Sebastian have such a good relationship. Such friends. Right now, it works this way. There is no longer such a rivalry after all, this year Ferrari sunk at the bottom of the bottom. 

Mercedes is too far.

Any toxicity has then gone away. They look at each other’s eyes, knowing pretty well what is behind their good relationship and it’s certainly not friendship.

Love, still.

And yet, he had so many doubts about it. Fidelity and so on, and he can never resist that long to Lewis. They … They do have sex sometimes. It’s never regular, it’s anywhere and everywhere, still a surprise.

Him showing at Lewis’ place or the reverse. 

Still welcoming each other with a smile, knowing pretty well what that does announce for the following evening, day.

That’s passion, that’s love, that’s destiny. That’s what they know will be if not now, sometimes later. It’s not that long now; but he still can wait. He’s a very patient person.

Walking across the paddock together, chatting as usual, nothing seems to be able to break the bond that exists between them.

He feels like he could stay like this forever.

He feels like they could stay like this forever.

Even though, deep down, something, somewhere … gears started to move. In the world, in their world. In Lewis’ mind.

* * *

**Faith is to be awake**

**And to be awake is for us to think**

**And for us to think is to be alive**

**And I will try with every rhyme**

**To come across like I am dying**

**To let you know you need to try to think**

* * *

When Lewis wins the championship, he’s one of the first coming straight to him to congratulate him. As always, as it should be.

They hug, and maybe they shouldn’t with the whole pandemic going outside and he’s usually careful but it's still such a huge event. The briton seems really happy to see him and even with all those cameras focused on them, he still can feel-

Can feel a light kiss being left on his neck.

They split up after a moment because it isn’t his place and it may be suspicious at some point. Lewis’ glance seems to beg him to stay but he can’t do that, he knows it, they both know it. He smiles softly to him, tenderly, hoping to pass him all the love he’s feeling right now, and after shaking one last time his hand, he leaves him.

He’s aware that his partner hates the fact he isn’t by his side anymore, that he can’t stay. But it’s life. It’s a promise. It’s about waiting and being waited on.

And while he comes back to his driver room, he smiles again, to himself. It’s the last time he’s wearing red that way and above all, above sadness that he feels, there is relief. So much relief. It’s finally over, finally over.

This year is over and it’s the beginning of a brand new start.

* * *

**I have these thoughts, so often I ought**

**To replace that slot with what I once bought**

**'Cause somebody stole my car radio**

**And now I just sit in silence**

* * *

“Do you want to get out of here?” asks Lewis with a smile.

He knows he still has the choice. He can break this promise once and for all. Stay in his daily life, keep this friendship. 

Instead he just grabs the hand Lewis offers him.

They climb the stairs and find themselves on the second floor a bit too easily but this time they are perfectly quiet. Not so much laughing and chatting and impatient as they used to be.

Below them, a lot of people are chatting and laughing and drinking. The end of the year's party once again, Lewis has been rewarded and now he is the one leading him to skip the whole gala.

He still likes that. He still likes this feeling of being privileged, like he matters more than anyone to the oldest one's eyes.

They are no longer in their twenties after all. They are still young, but not that young. It's no longer time for them to have fun, it's more serious this time. A silent question running through them.

He still is wearing his expensive coat and he did drink a glass of wine. He saw Lewis politely drink too, he just followed him, convinced that nothing more would happen. Since all those years before, nothing ever happened.

Lewis opens a window that wasn't really closed and he swears it's the same than the one all these years ago. He follows him. The rooftop is still slippery and the briton doesn't seem to want to let go of his hand. 

He's the one taking his jacket off and putting it on both of them, shoulders touching, when he saw Lewis shivering a bit.

“The sky is beautiful isn't it?” he says, because he doesn't know what else to say.

“Yes …”

But Lewis stares at him instead.

Wrinkles added a bit on their face, they are pretty much different than who they were. But, that's true, during all these years, he never stopped once thinking Lewis was beautiful.

“Do you remember what happened years before ?” whispers the world champion and he chuckles a bit. How could he forget ?

“This is us, years later, apparently.” Sebastian answers simply “We stayed the same, isn't that what you wanted ?”

There is silence after that. He realizes that Lewis still hasn't let go of his hand. He feels stuck, unable to look away. He frowns a bit when he feels a small metallic object being slipped in his palm. The shape … 

“Marry me ?”

He steps back a bit. Glancing at Lewis’ face, who looks certain of his words this time. He smiles for the first time in the evening. It seems only Lewis can make him smile that much.

**Author's Note:**

> here it is.   
> Honestly it is way more ... a cheesy end that I imagine while writing it but in the end I'm kinda satisfied with it so ... I just hope you liked it ! :)
> 
> tumblr : laeana


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